apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
