Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
