Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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