Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
