we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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