it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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