Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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