There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
