i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
