Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
