He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
