I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
