is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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