How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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