hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
