People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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