If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
His nipple licking is glorious
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