I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
