It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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