when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
