i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Randomize
