The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
