i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
