her vagine was all disorganized.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
a search helicopter?!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
