He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
