what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I supernannyed him into submission
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
