i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
