i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
