Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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