Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
