we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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