doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
