can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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