no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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