I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
