I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It was a blind-side dick pic.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
