If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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