yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
