you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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