planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
