Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
