Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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