Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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