i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
