I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
