so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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