Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize