I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
