You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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