I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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