too bad you live with your parents still
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
