I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
zippers are such a cool invention
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
tequila makes me forget i have legs
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
