Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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