You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
