she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Never underestimate the power of titties
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
