My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
