they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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