i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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