Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
