how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
