i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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