His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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