he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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