I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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