im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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