I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
