Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
barbara walters just said penis...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize