I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
COCAINE IS GR8
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
