Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
